Preface: I currently have assignments to complete, but I’m a procrastinator and I’m procrastinating by writing this. Ha.
Hi. My name is one that you do not need to know, and this is my story.
Well, part of it.
When I was in high school, I was invincible. I was one of those high flyers – I was an outstanding prefect, I had fairly good grades, the teachers loved me (well, most did), and I was fairly popular (part and parcel of being an outstanding prefect). I was fairly liked by everyone, because if you’re nice to people they’re more likely to listen to you (#prefecttip). I had a lot of friends, I had my future planned out, and I was happy. I was invincible.
Then I graduated, went to college, and got a D for economics in AS.
Fun fact: when you believe so much in yourself and you find out that you’re not as amazing as you thought you were, life goes downhill.
My friends were getting pretty A’s, while I was there with a big fat D. Suffice it to say I felt like shit. I couldn’t do anything in uni with that D, and everyone said it was impossible to jump two or more grades higher for A2. So yeah – I kind of felt like shit.
I couldn’t use my real results to apply to universities, so I had to use my predicted grades. I had to beg my economics teacher to maintain my predicted grade. She relented, but I knew she gave up on me a long time ago. She was the sort of dedicated teacher who’d harp on students who weren’t performing well, but she stopped paying attention to me a few months into college. Which was a relief to me, lol.
So. I had my future temporarily intact. I chose to retake AS economics. I studied hard, harder than I did for SPM or anything before that, stayed up late every night, went for tuition because I really couldn’t understand my economics teacher, felt like shit quite often because I was more aware than ever that I was dumber than my peers, cried a couple of times, fell sick (but still studied), and just like that, it was over. I did my best.
I suppose I should mention that I was very much sure that I wouldn’t be studying abroad. I truly believed that I wouldn’t make it. That was the only time I strongly believed with all my heart in anything, lol. My friends told me how nervous and excited they were to study abroad and I couldn’t help but look at them in amusement. They had stars in their eyes while there I was with an impending storm in my heart. Must be nice, I thought.
Results day. I was fully prepared to be sent to clearing. I was very apathetic about it, because people who feel too much sometimes become people who feel nothing at all.
I got an A for economics.
I was the happiest person in the world for ten minutes.
I was thinking, this was the first time in my life that I tried so hard for something, and I actually got the result I wanted! Hard work trumps all! I wanted to tell to my economics teacher: “Look, I did it. You thought I couldn’t but I did. THANKS FOR NOTHING. HA.”
I guess what I’m trying to say here is that you can do anything if you put your mind to it. Right here is a testament to it. And if what you reap isn’t what you wanted… then at least you know you did your best. In the end, that’s what matters – you did your best, and that’s a fact to be proud of, more than anything else. Because I know how hard it is to work hard, and hey – it’s the journey that matters more than the destination, right?
Back to my story. I was the happiest person in the world for ten minutes – but those ten minutes were short-lived. After that, things kind of went downhill again.
And that is a story for another time, because it’s getting late and I probably should work on my assignments now.
Time: October 7, 2016 at 6:17 am